So today when I had some alone time I finally read some of those annoying articles people post on Facebook from random websites or blogs ( we are all guilty). This one was not only hysterical it was so true.
This is the link to the blog, the writer is a mom, blogger and stand up comedian she basically took what we usually celebrate as milestones like first steps, first haircut and word and instead focused on these firsts:
Guilty! you can read more about it HERE
I did this and it did feel horrible, I got over it quick though because you know what feels worse? Nursing in the middle of the night and having a sharp baby nail right on your goods. Ouch!
This one happens to Paul all the time, I always warn him but does he listen? of course not, he's a husband.
This happened ALL the time at that place we don't mention it starts with a G and ends with E. We stopped going because if I had to hear one more F*'n time how your kid can sign and I need to teach my baby how to I was going to buy a baby sign language book and slap her upside the head with it.
HAHA, you will never have an empty laundry basket again, new moms. Our first time required me to change myself, the baby and disinfect both the couch and the rug....then there was that time at a wedding, in the middle of rehearsal dinner, I was wearing a white sweater :) fun times.
:/ seriously, don't be that person.
Nothing can make you break down faster than a crying baby and those postpartum hormones, F you hormones!
Yup, I think this person must have been there when it happened to me, except I was on the ground.
HERE is the story on that one
Nope! not there yet.
These all deserve to go in the baby book, right next to the curl of hair that I saved from his first haircut. They are not milestones for him, they are milestones for me, I made it through all that and here I am. I had no clue what I was doing when I brought you home baby, I cried so many times and felt like I couldn't handle it some days. Yet here I am, your going to be one soon and I made it. That deserves a celebration, maybe not one you will remember but I Mom and Dad deserve a little something for making it through all this.
1.) THE FIRST TIME YOU TURNED YOUR BACK FOR ONE F*%KING SECOND AND YOUR CHILD ROLLED OFF THE BED OR SOFA OR CHANGING TABLE.
Guilty! you can read more about it HERE
2.) THE FIRST TIME YOU TRIED CUTTING YOUR CHILD'S NAILS AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY CLIPPED THE SKIN AND SHE BLED A LITTLE.
I did this and it did feel horrible, I got over it quick though because you know what feels worse? Nursing in the middle of the night and having a sharp baby nail right on your goods. Ouch!
3.) THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE HOLDING HIM UP IN THE AIR AND HE THREW UP ONTO YOUR FACE.
This one happens to Paul all the time, I always warn him but does he listen? of course not, he's a husband.
4.) THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW ANOTHER KID YOUR CHILD'S AGE WHO WAS MORE ADVANCED THAN YOUR CHILD.
This happened ALL the time at that place we don't mention it starts with a G and ends with E. We stopped going because if I had to hear one more F*'n time how your kid can sign and I need to teach my baby how to I was going to buy a baby sign language book and slap her upside the head with it.
5.) YOUR FIRST TERRIBLE SHIT STORY.
HAHA, you will never have an empty laundry basket again, new moms. Our first time required me to change myself, the baby and disinfect both the couch and the rug....then there was that time at a wedding, in the middle of rehearsal dinner, I was wearing a white sweater :) fun times.
6.) THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW GAVE YOU UNSOLICITED ADVICE ON HOW TO RAISE YOUR KID.
:/ seriously, don't be that person.
7.) THE FIRST TIME YOUR CHILD HAD A MELTDOWN IN A PUBLIC PLACE.
Nothing can make you break down faster than a crying baby and those postpartum hormones, F you hormones!
8.) THE FIRST TIME YOU FORGOT TO LOCK THE WHEELS ON YOUR STROLLER.
Yup, I think this person must have been there when it happened to me, except I was on the ground.
9.) THE FIRST TIME HE REPEATED SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T WANT HIM TO REPEAT.
HERE is the story on that one
10.) THE FIRST TIME YOU COULDN'T REMEMBER YOUR CHILD'S BIRTH IN ENOUGH DETAIL AND WERE WILLING TO CONSIDER HAVING A SECOND CHILD.
Nope! not there yet.
These all deserve to go in the baby book, right next to the curl of hair that I saved from his first haircut. They are not milestones for him, they are milestones for me, I made it through all that and here I am. I had no clue what I was doing when I brought you home baby, I cried so many times and felt like I couldn't handle it some days. Yet here I am, your going to be one soon and I made it. That deserves a celebration, maybe not one you will remember but I Mom and Dad deserve a little something for making it through all this.
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