BREAST FEEDING

When I first realized I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to breast feed. I was all about it, I looked everywhere for support and ideas as to how I was going to do it while still working full time. I took several breast feeding classes and researched pumps,bras,shirts you name it. Found lots of inspiration here and here.  I wasn't planning on having a c-section but I had some complications and that was the route I had to take because of that I didn't get to see my baby until several hours after he was born.

I was in labor for several hours, I cried, I hurt, I was tired and when I heard the words C-section I was devastated. I cried and my husband told me it was ok, he signed all the consent forms and in I went into the OR. When I got there they realized my epidural was wearing off, so they put me completely under. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. When I woke up my sister in law and my mother in law were by my side. Paul was with Ricky. 

He got to hold him before I did, which I am still a little hurt about. 

Ricky was taken to the NICU because he had developed an infection, and so did I since he was sitting in the birth canal for so long. 

After what seemed like an eternity I got to hold my little baby for the first time

It was the happiest day of my life and the day I discovered that no matter how long it had been and how much pain I was still in. It was all worth it....

I put baby to my breast for the first time and he would not latch on...my biggest fear. It had been almost three hours since he had been born and he was having nothing to do with my breasts. I was heartbroken ,I cried and then I realized ok now what? I had to think about Ricky and his needs. I called in a nurse who tried to help, the problem was he was so tired that he would not stay up long enough to nurse. We tried gentle waking several times, then I remembered seeing on a breastfeeding video how a mother used manual pressure to release some colostrum and fed it to baby in a spoon! yes I used a spoon! I quickly explained to my husband that he needed to find me a spoon in the hospital at 1am.  He did, I really don't know how but I tried it and it worked!! the next couple of feeds I pretty much scheduled, I tried waking him every two hours. This meant I got absolutely no sleep, but I was determined to give it my all and I was ABSOLUTELY ok with giving him formula if it did not work out. I just wanted to know I had given it my best shot. 

After 3 days in the hospital and really sore breasts I did it! He was latching and boy did it hurt, but in about 2 weeks all the pain went away. When I went back to work I had a panic attack about what to do, how much to pump and how to store the milk, and on and on.....I talked to my good friend christina who is an amazing mother of three and also a Soldier :) she is amazing. Her advice was 

1) calm down

2) eat( you forget to do that when you have a new baby)

3)buy a good pump, don't skimp because if your a full time working mommy you will use it all the time 

I use this one

4) About one week before you return to work pump one breast while you feed baby on your other breast. This was kind of challenging but Paul helped.

5) Freeze away! I also made sure that I always left at least one bottle out so Paul could feed Ricky sometimes. Just so he didn't feel left out.

I have been back at work for about 4 weeks now. The first few days away from baby were rough, but I have a little schedule going now and I pump in the bathroom at work at least twice a day. I live close enough to work so that I can feed him at lunch time. I plan on continuing to breast feed until he is at lest  1. This is my story, it took a lot of courage to type it out and to share this pictures because lets face it it's not my best looking poses :) I hope this helps anyone who is struggling with breast feeding and just know that giving your baby formula doesn't make you a bad mommy. It just means that is what works for you and your little one and you have the right to be any kind of mommy you want.